Monday, March 17, 2014

Anon Visits Menlo Park (told in the manner of 4chan greentext)

>be me
>be in San Francisco after awesome weekend with GF
>check out of hotel
>enjoy feel of nice sunny day
>eat breakfast of bacon and eggs at Mel's Diner on Mission
>real-golden-state-experience-oh-yeah-baby.jpg
>walk to Perry & Third
>find sign on sidewalk under overpass marking stop for bus to Santa Rosa
>watch as transit worker dismantles a small homeless tent under overpass
>wait half hour with GF
>secretly put chocolate bar in GF's backpack cause she's gonna to be at a vegan place all week
>wave goodbye to GF from curb as the bus pull away
>walk to Caltrain terminal a few blocks away
>whistling-to-myself.jpg
>buy ticket and get bonanza of dollar coins as change
>get on train in upper deck seat
>stare aimlessly out window at city as it goes by
>ride train to Menlo Park
>get off train with backpack
>quaint-downtown.jpg
>cross El Camino Real and walk three blocks to Mermaid Inn
>vintage-california-motel.jpg
>check in at desk and get old-style metal room key
>catch up on day's work and emails
>take long refreshing nap until it's dark outside
>sortie from the motel to grab some chow
>eat halibut and chips at a cheap take-out next door
>feel restless
>decide to take spontaneous walk to test trip maps made the week before
>meander up Santa Cruz Avenue
>detour off memorized route using smartphone Google maps
>freestylin-jpg
>find easy route on side streets to Sand Hill Road
>enjoy peaceful residential neighborhood
>it feels like a college town in the Midwest
>realize small houses there are probably ungodly expensive
>see lighted street sign at intersection of Sand Hill
>cars whizzing by
>walk up Sand Hill Road along footpath
>get to huge intersection and cross it
>see signs for venture capital funds on the corner
>this-is-silicon-valley.jpg
>walk one block and notice cool glass headquarters of Vinod Khosla
>see a few lights still on inside
>imagine the billions being handled there
>keep walking until the Safeway shopping center
>cut through shopping center and explore through parking lots of dark office buildings
>find signs for the venture capital funds previously memorized
>find front entrance to Kleiner Perkins Caulfield & Byers
>sit on bench in front admiring architectural design
>have fun imagining self to be entrepreneur waiting to go inside to make pitch
>be thankful I am not doing that
>cross Sand Hill Road and go inside the Rosewood Sand Hill Hotel
>ask doorman for direction to the bar
>go down the hall and turn left
>take seat at the elegant bar
>rich-techies-relaxing.jpg
>curvy-cocktail-waitress.jpg
>guys-in-grey-blazers-and-dark-shirts-sitting-on-the-patio.jpg
>read over signature cocktail menu
>ask bartender for his favorite
>say "that's the one I want."
>drink signature Manhattan
>peruse amazing selection of obscure whiskeys on the shelves above the bar
>chat with bartender and another guy at the bar
>bartender says Thursday night is "cougar night."
>decline offer of a second drink
>pay tab and go to men's room
>stand in line for urinal with drunken Indian business men
>take a rolled cloth towel from stack on tray to dry hands
>realize it's a long way back to the motel
>look up local cab company on smartphone and call number
>find out there are no drivers in area
>approach doorman of hotel and ask him to call cab
>doorman calls one immediately and apologizes it will be at least ten minutes
>hang out in front of hotel on bench chatting with doorman
>notice black limousines parked with drivers on curb nearby
>watch as old Chinese guy with thick accent comes out and asks doorman for his limo
>limo pulls up and Chinese guy gets inside it
>after ten minutes doorman says maybe one of the limos is free
>he takes golf cart and drives quickly over to one of them
>he comes back and says one is free and can take me anywhere I need to go
>limo pulls up and doorman opens the door for me
>"Have a good evening, Mr. Trump!"
>back of limo is full of snacks
>limo driver says to help myself
>ask driver to be taken to downtown Menlo Park
>we go back down Sand Hill Road
>chat with driver about Menlo Park
>cool guy
>tell him to stop in front of bar in downtown near station so I don't have to tell him to go to the Mermaid Inn
>he says to pay him whatever is felt appropriate
>give him twenty bucks and see smile on his face
>driver gives me card and says to call for ride anywhere in Bay Area
>walk rest of the way back to motel in dark
>sleep well in bed
>best twenty bucks I ever spent for a ride in my life

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