Since starting this blog over fifteen years ago, I have gone through periods where I have written entries almost every day, sometimes multiple ones per day. At other times I have gone months without writing.
Even when I go through months without writing, it is usually not because I don't have something I want to say. Rather it is just laziness and forgetfulness, of letting the days go by. I am thankful there are people who still drop by to read what I have to say. That fact motivates me to keep going. It feels like a conversation in a strange way. If I imagine someone is reading this, someone I know or otherwise, then I can communicate to them directly and that feeling is a joy. I can't imagine not having this.
I was thinking about this a couple weeks ago lying in bed, after waking in the middle of the night. In those times I often find myself of things I want to say, words to express to anonymous world out there, or to old friends with whom I am estranged.
At that moment I had an insight that the reason I write is to get these thoughts out of my head, because if I do not write them, they will keep swirling in my head, night after night. If I write them down, then the void will allow for new thoughts to form, which themselves need to be written down. It is about keeping the flow of thoughts going through my head lest I find myself in the stagnation of thought circles.
These very words I am writing are part of that, for I was thinking about all this last night again---why I write this. Ultimately then it is about a feeling of connectedness to other people, as well as the desire to feel an internal momentum to my life.
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