Recovering My Balance Using the Internet

 The last couple days have found me in good spirits, as I've concluded that eventually I will regain my equilibrium in walking completely. For a few weeks it was touch and go. It seemed to go away, but it would come back with a vengeance if I got hot or tired, as I did a couple times. Thankfully the nausea has mostly gone away, with only a slight twinge at times that I would barely notice otherwise, but for which I am currently well attuned to. 

Anything on my body that "breaks" in any way sends me to an obsession over it, as I want to gauge how big of an issue it is. It has taken me most of my life to realize I am far more connected to my body than the average person, in that I tend to notice anything out of whack. Also, as I told my current dentist when I went to see him last year, I'm very much into my original equipment as much as possible. I feel an obligation to God to do so, part of repentance for ignoring certain issues for so long, and treating my body---which is supposed to be a temple of the Holy Spirit--with disregard as if it would last forever.

Losing the ability to walk fluidly, as I did upon waking on the morning of April 7, felt like a warning jolt to what might lie ahead in my later years.  I did not like it all. The idea that my mobility might give out is terrifying, as the thought that I can ultimately get anywhere I need with "my good legs" has long feel central to my self-conception.

Is this what dying feels like, I thought to myself? At that moment, I realized the disequilibrium I was experiencing, and the accompanying other symptoms, were a gift. Memento mori. 

Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo. BPPV for short. Jessica diagnosed it for me. Her step-father had it. He had keeled over on the toilet and had thrown up. He went to a physical therapist and learned it had to do with dislocation of crystals in one's inner ear. There is a maneuver that therapists can perform, called the Epley maneuver, that will "reset" one's crystal. He explained it over breakfast the other morning. He said when the therapist did it, it released everything immediately and caused him to vomit, but after that he was ok.

Just knowing this existed put my mind at ease. I looked it up online. Many people had positive testimonials. It can even be done at home by oneself.

At that moment, I felt as if I'd been given a great gift of mercy. It will probably go away on its own, but the symptoms can be treated by oneself at home! 

Of course I haven't done the maneuver yet. I'm letting the symptoms go away naturally, because I want to learn how long it takes my body to kick it.

That I can look such things up on the Internet gives me great peace, just as it does to write this blog and throw the entries out into the digital sea wrapped in a bottle for anyone to read and retrieve I thank God for such conveniences and mercies, even as I wish I could write letters to my old friends with a typewriter, and mail them with a stamp.