Land of the Lost

For my second course of the afternoon's double feature at the Regal Cinemas in Hookset, I bought another three-dollar and fifty cent ticket to Last of the Lost, a movie that had gotten even worse reviews than Imagine That.

By now you've undoubtedly learned that is an unwatchable disaster. I suppose it was the fact that I had such incredibly low expectations of this, but when I walked out of it I couldn't help think that I'd seen a lot, lot worse.

Narrative-wise, the movie actually holds together well. The story flows well from plot point to plot point. There's nothing much to say about it, except that it doesn't commit any major offenses.

Will Ferrell is Dr. Rick Marshall, a scientist down on his luck, afte rbeing humiliated about his supposed invention of a time machine.

Yes, ugh. Time travel. Minus one in my book, of course, but for a movie like this, I'm not going to even keep score.

After the introduction, Marshall is at his low point, his spirit broken. Holly (Anna Friel) shows up at his lab, believing in him, and convinces him to finish his invention. He does, and together they go off to test it on a "routine expedition." They are led by Will (Danny McBride) and fall into a time portal. The rest of the movie involves their trying to recover the machine in order to return home, all the while avoiding being eaten by a super-inteligent T-Rex, and also avoiding the Sleestaks.

There's a switcheroo plot point involving the leader of the Sleestaks that you'll probably see coming. There is also a comic subplot invovling Chaka, the primate, played in rather amusing fashion by Jorma Taccone.

Did I just say amusing? Yes, I guess the movie just sort of grew on me, and I found myself smiling a little, even though I'm not much of a Will Ferrell fan, outside of some good performances (Zoolander, for example). Like I said, I had ultralow expectations. Or maybe that I found a comrade in Dr. Marshall. I too did theoretical tachyon work in graduate school, and used to joke that if time travel were ever possible, it would rely on my research.

Why did the movie suck? Well, it was just doomed by being really, really stupid. It's not quite satire enough to be satire, and so everything that's supposed to be funny just sort of makes you groan. After all, the movie doesn't even take itself seriously, and so it's hard to find anything really funny, except now and then. Among other things, there is just way too much of A Chorus Line in it.

It's also a grossfest. There's way too much stuff about dinosaur poop, and dinosaur urine, and huge disgusting mosquitoes that squirt blood. When I see this stuff, I always think it is covering up for a lack of genuine creativity by evoking childlike giggling responses (actually this is Thor's idea, about how t.v. shows like Friends starting using the word "pee" in lieu of real jokes).

Lest you think this is some bastardization of the 1970s television show, it's worth mentioning that the movie was produced by Sid and Marty Krofft. Yes, them. So it's the full-on genuine article.

But nevertheless I couldn't help liking a few things about it. Chief among them was the fact that Ferrell's character is actually a full-on classical scientist. What do I mean by this? Even though his spirit has been broken at the beginning of the movie, he is nevertheless completely devoted to his research and his discipline. He is a man on a mission.

Moreover, when Holly shows up, and is clearly infatuated with him, he doesn't suddenly switch into tail-chasing mode. She's welcome to accompany him on his mission, but the mission comes first, not what's between her legs.

How refreshing. Perhaps it takes satirical camp like this to have this kind of impeccable character, but at least we can still see it. Of course, Marshall's unswerving quest makes him all the more attractive to Holly, until she finally throws herself at him. Listen up, boys. That's how you get the girl---by following your path in life and not being distracted by a set of knockers.

Yeah, it's Will Ferrell, but until I find a better benchmark, you can use him.

Thus ended my farewell stop to the Regal Cinema in Hookset. In the late afternoon I drove a few miles outside of Manchester to Bear Brook State Park, which has a very nice campground store. It's a true credit to the New Hampshire state parks system.

As the sun set, I set up my tent, for the first time on this trip, and wound up getting attacked by giant (it seems) mosquitoes. What would that stud Dr. Rick Marshall do?