Delgo

My vow to see all the theatrical releases of 2008, and to see as many as possible in the theater instead of DVD, is not a hard-and-fast rule, but has some wiggle room. For example, I decided that seeing straight-to-DVD releases, as well as certain children's animation (such as the Barbie movie) would be at my discretion. There is only so much time in life.

When I saw the posters for Delgo a couple months back, I figured it might fit into this exception category. But everything changed the minute I read on Yahoo that Animated 'Delgo' has Worst Wide Release Opening Ever. The movie made only half a million dollars in its opening weekend while showing in over 2000 theaters. It beat the previous record holder, P2 (2007) by bringing in only one-fourth as much.

In his article, Jonathan Crow explains why:

This is all too bad because the story of the making of "Delgo" has the makings of a great Hollywood underdog story. 36-year-old entrepreneur Marc Adler decided he wanted to direct and produce a $40 million computer animated kids' flick completely independent of Tinseltown behemoths like Disney and Dreamworks.

So he went out and made it, hiring an incredible range of big-name voice talent along the way, including Anne Bancroft in her final movie ever. But there was one big problem:

And when Adler couldn't get a Hollywood studio interested in his movie, he raised eyebrows by releasing it himself through distributor-for-hire Freestyle Releasing. It was a huge risk; one that ultimately didn't pay off. There wasn't the sort of marketing budget needed to make a film stand out in the already crowded holiday movie season.

That pretty much tells the tale. No tv commericals. No trailers. Result: an average of $237 per screen in its opening weekend.

All of this screamed to me that I absolutely had to go see it. It went straight to the top of my priority list.

But I had to act fast. As of last week, it was showing in over a dozen locations around Boston. Google told me that after Thursday, this number would be down to zero. Never had I seen a movie be driven from the box office so fast. If I wanted to see it in theaters after Thursday, I would have to drive all the way to Saco, Maine.

So off to Leominster I went, on a frigid ice-strewn day, leaving early just so I absolutely knew I catch the 5 pm showing. I had so much extra time, I waited in the local Barnes and Noble, where I read the complete F. Scott Fitzgerald short story "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and the complete script for the play "Doubt: a Parable" by John Patrick Shanley. Even my reading is movie preparation lately.

When I got back to the multiplex and walked up to the front, I was greeted again by an ominous sign, nicely laser printed: The auditorium for Delgo has no heat. We sincerely apologize.

Somehow the idea of extra hardships in seeing this movie made it all the better. It would make a better story.

It turned out that the auditorium with broken heat was one of the biggest in the multiplex---probably five hundred seats. There I was, the only person shivering in the dark. Well, I wasn't shivering, since I kept bundled up, and the temperature wasn't that bad inside after all.

Nor was the movie, really, so long as you can handle the creepy Uncanny valley effects of lizard-like people talking to each for an hour an half. It also isn't bad so long as you can digest a wretched, tired regurgitation of every mystical/spiritual fantasy cliche from the Star Wars series and the Lord of the Rings.

Watching it, I couldn't help thinking how the entire fantasy genre has run its course. This was especially true listening to Michael Clarke Duncan (as the voice of a mystical elder) reciting the tenets of telekinesis to his pupil. "You have to let go," he said. It was all the same stuff as Yoda, only said in the tired voice of someone reciting a prayer, the words of which have entirely lost any meaning. We as audience are so familiar with the Star Wars "religion" that all the story need do is to remind us of it in order for us to follow the story. This is where genres go to die.

Well, at least the movie tried. In the end, I couldn't help but root for it on some level, and for the all the folk in Georgia who toiled on it. The most positive note: I particularly did enjoy that the plot revolved around the use of false flag operations to start a major war. It's amazing where you have to go to find truth these days.