A couple days ago I had to disengage from my last "normie" friend. We've known each other in high school, but became good friends only within the last fifteen years. I've been following the growth of his kids since they were boys and we played the video game Rock Band together as a quartet. It was great fun.
He calls me from time to time just to chat--one of my last "phone" friends. We've had great visits and calls. But the last three times he's called and we talked, it has degenerated into the same thing, which is him shotgunning angry questions at me as to why I support Donald Trump.
I love him like a brother, and it's tough to take these questions. I don't mind discussing this topic, and even arguing over it, in good faith. But every interaction I've had with old friends who hate Trump degenerates into their being very angry at me, with emotion in their voices as if I just ran over their dog and laughed about it afterwards.
Through hard experience, I know when a person enters this phase of conversation, there is no going back. In most cases, the best thing to do is end the conversation as quickly as possible.
My good friend is a good guy, and I would love to talk with him more often. He asks questions of me in good faith, and I try to respond, but inevitably my explanation as to "why I support Trump" comes around to the issue that separates us, which is that he and I see Trump in completely different terms. It's like we're not talking about the same person. I try to convey this idea, that this is what separates us, but in each case it has lead him to the angry phase. Real anger.
For the good of our friendship, I have to put some distance between us emotionally. We keep coming right up to the edge of this issue, and I've seen it go too far, when words can't be unsaid, and I wind up seeing the other person in a completely different light. For years I've been pre-emptively distancing myself from people I've known, because I can't bear to see them like this. This is why I got off Facebook, leading up to the 2016 election, and disabled my account. I knew if I kept following my friends, that I would see this ugly side of them, the part where they allow themselves to hate other people, and feel righteous about it. Disengaging with them was like putting our friendships into suspended animation, with hopes they can be revived at some point in the future, when the war is over.
It's easy for people on our side to say "just stop talking to normies," or "screw your friends, let them go," but that's like saying that a hundred year old tree has a limb that is blocking your view so just cut it down and grow a new tree. I have friendships of thirty and forty years. If I make new friends now, even if I live forty more years, then they will never have seen me go through the phases of life that are rapid and dynamic in one's childhood and in one's youth, as one gropes with learning how the world works. All of these friendships are like jewels to me. An old friend, resurrected from long ago--perhaps someone who was only an acquaintance--is like a treasure.
At the same time one must make new friends. I made some at Threadfest. I don't always get the idea that everyone in our community who is already established with an online following is a fan of me and my work. I get a lukewarm ambiguity from some of them. A lot of people assume I made up my name, since I use my real name. Thankfully there are some who like my work. I am generally a fan of all of them, to some degree.
But at the conference, I found brand new people who loved my work. Some have become instant friends, including one young man from Pennsylvania who had made his first real road trip by coming to the conference. It made me sad, to think he had gotten as old as he was without such an experience--which I had so many times--but on the other hand, I was super thankful that he texted me as he drove home, every couple hours. He wanted to share his trip without someone, a person he knew would appreciate it. I did very much. I could pass on a little of that appreciation to him.
I'm already hard at work on my next video, which is intended as the first in a series about an American historical figure. It involves lots of research with online newspapers from many decades ago. Go with your best pitch. The perfect is the enemy of the good. The half-assed is also the enemy of the good.
I am thinking August for a premier of this video. That should give me plenty of time to finish it. I thought it would be ten minutes, but I'm looking at more like a half hour to tell the story. It turns out there is more story to tell than I thought. A lot more.
Anyone who appreciates my work can be my friend. As for my old friend I mentioned at the start of this article, I am thinking about making a video just for him, which is basically "Who is Donald Trump?".
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